How Emotionally Intelligent Are You?

In his 1995 book "Emotional Intelligence: Why it can Matter More Than IQ," Goleman explained that people with high self-awareness are "aware of their moods as they are having them."

To increase self-awareness   , learn about mindfulness   . This involves focusing on the present moment – including how you're feeling. And keep a journal   in which you write about and analyze the emotional situations you experience from day to day.

You also need to understand your strengths and weaknesses to build self-awareness. Do a personal SWOT analysis   , and ask for feedback   from your boss, friends, and trusted colleagues to find out how you can improve further.

Self-regulation is about staying in control. To develop your skills in this area, learn how to manage your emotions   effectively.

If you often get angry   , note what triggers this feeling, and think about why this happens. Use techniques such as deep breathing   to calm yourself down, and give yourself time to pause before you respond to emails or requests, so that you don't say something that you'll later regret. (See our article on anger management   to learn more about this.)

You may also be affected by other negative feelings and emotions, such as anxiety   and stress   . So, do what you can to manage these feelings effectively.

Accountability   is another important element of self-regulation. Take responsibility for your actions and behaviors, and make sure that these align with your values   .

Self-motivation is strongly affected by your emotions. When you're distracted by your emotions, you may find it hard to see tasks through.

Boost your motivation levels   by developing self-discipline   , and by looking for and celebrating small wins   – simple jobs that, when you've completed them, give you a sense of achievement.

Also, set yourself longer-term goals   . When you decide what you want to achieve, you'll focus on what really matters to you. This can be highly motivating, especially when you connect personal goals with career-related ones.

If you're still struggling to get motivated in your current role, take some time to rediscover your purpose   .

Empathy is the ability to recognize other people's emotions and understand their perspectives. Goleman calls this aspect of EI "the fundamental people skill."

To develop empathy   , start by simply thinking about other people's viewpoints. Imagine how they may be feeling, and use active listening skills    to understand them fully when they express their emotions to you.

Try not to interrupt or talk about your own feelings during the conversation. Look at their body language   , too: it can tell you a lot about their emotions. If you watch and listen to others, you'll quickly become attuned to how they feel. (The Perceptual Positions    technique can give you a particularly sharp insight into what other people may be thinking and feeling.)

Even if you're not a natural "people person," it is possible to develop better social skills.

Start by taking our quiz   to see which communication skills you need to improve on. Then, find out how you can develop trust   and rapport   with people – this is an essential part of building good working relationships   .

Don't shy away from negative situations, either. Learn how to deal with conflict   and other difficult situations effectively.

If you're uncomfortable with social situations, work on building self-confidence   . Start slowly, but then look for opportunities to practice your skills with bigger groups. For example, you could offer to attend conferences on behalf of your team.