Conflict Resolution

Where there are people, there is conflict. We each have our values, needs and habits, so it's easy to misunderstand or irritate one another – or, worse, to fall into conflict.

Surprisingly, conflict can often drive meaningful change. But left unresolved, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, stress, hopelessness, and even depression. These feelings can manifest themselves in behaviors such as aggression, emotional withdrawal, breakdowns in communications and personal relations, and even job resignation. Unchecked, conflict can also result in poor decision making, and can grind productivity to a halt.

The good news is that not only can conflict be resolved, it can also bring hidden issues into the light, strengthen relationships, and spark innovation – so long as you don't try to ignore it!

In this article, we'll explore different types of conflict, what causes conflict, and how to reach a positive outcome when you find yourself in conflict with someone. (For strategies specific to the workplace, we recommend our supporting article, How to Manage Workplace Conflict   .)

Contents

• What Is Conflict Resolution?
• Types of Conflict
• Causes of Conflict
• Signs of Conflict
• Conflict Resolution Skills
• Conflict Resolution Strategies
• Conflict Resolution Example

What Is Conflict Resolution?

Conflict has many sources. It is born out of differences, and can arise in any situation where people are required to interact with one another. Conflict resolution is a set of skills that you can learn and develop to move from conflict into collaboration. It involves communication and empathy.

Conflict is usually due to problems that can easily be resolved if they are addressed at the first sign of trouble. However, when ignored, these seemingly small issues can quickly escalate and prevent the individuals from coming to an effective agreement.

If you notice conflict, it is extremely important to act and resolve the situation before it spirals out of control. Don't wait for someone else to make the first move – that might never happen, and your conflict will likely worsen.

Types of Conflict

Generally, conflicts fall into two categories:

• Personality conflict or disagreements between individuals. These clashes are driven and perpetuated by emotions such as anger, stress and frustration. Sometimes they’re caused by perceptions about the other person’s character, motives, values, and personality. These conflicts are based on emotions. Since people’s personalities aren’t likely to change, these conflicts are unlikely to dissipate without being dealt with consciously.
• Substantive conflict is tangible and task-related, such as conflicts over ideas, directions, decision making or pursuing a course of action. This type of conflict can be handled by addressing the specific problem or subject. When addressed effectively, this type of conflict can lead to concrete solutions that positively impact the wider context.

Causes of Conflict

Some of the most common causes of conflict are:

• Unclear responsibilities. Some people may feel they do more work than others or resent those who seem to have fewer responsibilities. Blame and frustration can build due to duplicated work or unfinished tasks. There may also be uncertainty over who is responsible for specific duties or has the authority to manage them. Parties may claim or reject the responsibility, which can cause conflict.
• Competition for resources. Time, money, materials, equipment, and skillsets are all valuable, but finite, resources. Competition for them can lead to conflict between individuals or groups.
• Different interests. People prioritize different personal or professional goals. This can become frustrating when these goals are delayed by others with competing responsibilities. When the ability to accomplish goals and objectives depends on the cooperation of others, this increases the opportunity for conflict.

Signs of Conflict

To resolve a conflict, you need to recognize that it’s happening. Although signs of conflict are often quite subtle, you can detect them simply by being aware of interactions. Things to look out for include:

• Body language, such as crossed arms or leaning away from people.
• Facial expressions, such as frowning or gazing down.
• Tone of voice, such as cutting, disparaging or dismissive ways of speaking.

It’s easiest to pick up on tensions when you know people well, but be attentive: some signs are fairly common. On the other hand, avoid jumping to false conclusions. For example, some neurodiverse colleagues may feel uncomfortable making direct eye contact, while others may be following their own cultural norm for politeness. Use your emotional intelligence and communication skills to find out what's really going on!

Conflict Resolution Skills

When conflict arises, these skills will help you to resolve disagreements quickly and effectively.

1. Raise the Issue Early

Keeping quiet only lets resentment fester. Equally, speaking with other people first can fuel rumors and misunderstandings. So, whether you're battling over the thermostat or feel that you're being micromanaged, speak directly with the other party.

Be assertive   (not aggressive) and speak openly. This will encourage others to do the same – and you can get to the root of the problem before it escalates.

2. Manage Your Emotions

Choose your timing when you talk to someone about the conflict. If you're angry, you may say something you'll regret and inflame the situation. Be careful to avoid playing the blame game   .

So, stay calm, collect yourself, and ask, "What is it that I want to achieve here?", "What are the issues I'm having?" and "What is it that I would like to see?"

3. Show Empathy

When you talk to someone about a conflict, it's natural to want to state your own case, rather than hear out the other side. But when everyone does this, the conversation goes in circles.

Instead, invite the other party to describe their position, ask how they think they might resolve the issue, and listen with empathy   .

Be aware of and sensitive to each person's individual situation. There will likely be triggers that anger or upset them, so tread carefully around these subjects.

Putting yourself in the other person's shoes is an essential part of negotiation. This helps you to build mutual respect and understanding – and to achieve an outcome that satisfies both parties.

4. Practice Active Listening

Before getting the conversation underway, set some ground rules. All parties should listen to one another, respect one another's points of view, and refrain from interrupting each other.

To identify the source of the conflict you must listen actively   :

• Paraphrase the other party's points to show that you're listening and understand them.
• Look out for non-verbal signals that contradict what they are saying, such as a hesitant tone behind positive words. Bring these out into the open sensitively to address them together.
• Use appropriate body language, such as nodding your head, to show interest and to make it clear that you're following them.

5. Acknowledge Criticism

Some of the things the other person tells you may be difficult to hear. But remember that criticism or constructive feedback   is about behaviors, and not about you as a person.

So, keep an open mind and use criticism to help you to identify areas to improve, perform better next time, and to grow.

6. Make Concrete Plans

Try to find solid commitments and actions that address the cause(s) of friction and are agreeable to all parties. Make sure each person takes responsibility for seeing through those actions that are relevant to them. It’s also vital to follow up, to make sure the agreed actions are being taken and that they are helping to resolve the initial conflict.

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Conflict Resolution Strategies

Conflict management consultants Peter and Susan Glaser recommend three simple, but powerful steps that can help develop your conflict resolution skills. The steps are:

1. Prove that you understand their side.
2. Acknowledge that you are part of the problem.
3. Try again if the conversation didn't go well.

You can hear the Glasers talking more about the models and strategies that form part of their Breakthrough Conflict program in our exclusive Expert Interview with them.

Let's apply each step to a fictional conflict scenario.

Conflict Resolution Example

Imagine that the heads of two departments are in conflict. Product manager Sayid changed the price of a product without letting marketing manager Gayanne know. As a result, the marketing team sent out an email to customers with incorrect prices. They had to send a follow-up email apologizing for the error and making good on the price some customers paid for the product.

1. Prove That You Understand Their Side

Instead of blaming Sayid, Gayanne asks him how he came to make the decision. She uses her questioning and listening skills to get the information she needs and to show that she's truly hearing Sayid's response.

She discovers that Sayid was pressured by a major client to drop the price or risk losing a contract. She empathizes   , saying, "Yes, I've had difficulties with that client before, too."

As Susan Glaser says in our Expert Interview, "Only when you believe that I understand you, will you be willing to try to understand my perspective."

2. Acknowledge That You Are Part of the Problem

If you're in conflict with someone, it's unlikely you're free of all blame. So admit your part in it. This leads to mutual trust, a better understanding of one another, and makes it easier to find a solution.

In our scenario, Gayanne could say to Sayid, "I should have shared our marketing strategy and email send dates with you. I'll do that right away."

3. Try Again if the Conversation Doesn't Go Well

Despite the progress they've made, relations between the two managers remain frosty, so Sayid calls Gayanne the following week. He says, "I was thinking about our conversation, and I'd like to try again because I'm not happy with how it went. I've had time to take your points on board, and I'd like to talk about how we can work together better going forward."

Remember that you get more than one shot at resolving a conflict. Susan Glaser says, "There's a myth that if we have a bad conversation with someone it's over. In fact, 'do overs' are powerful."