How to Deal With Unfair Criticism Video

Presenter: Criticism can be one of the toughest things to face at work.

Nobody wants to hear they've done a bad job or that their efforts aren't appreciated. But, let's face it, we all mess up sometimes and it's good to know when we've not done our best work so we don't make the same mistakes again. But what about those times you think, "Hang on, "I'm not sure that comment is right actually." Are you deluding yourself or is the criticism unfair   ? How can you tell the difference?

Well, when criticism is fair it's likely to be about the action taken and its outcomes, not about the person responsible. It's non-threatening, constructive, and respectful. Fair criticism can still sting, but try not to take it to heart. Usually, if criticism is justified, when you take a step back and consider it objectively, you'll probably agree with it. So, try to use fair criticism as a learning opportunity and move on.

But what about unfair criticism? How can you tell when someone has taken it a bit too far? Well, ask yourself, does it seem harsh, broad, or personal? If the answer is "yes" to any of these, then it's likely the criticism isn't warranted. And the ultimate test: does it hold up to scrutiny when challenged?

The following four steps will help you deal with unfair criticism constructively, while protecting your integrity and avoiding conflict.

First, stay calm. If emotions are running high, the situation could get worse. So take a moment, absorb what you've heard, and maintain your cool. You could ask to pause the conversation and come back to it when you're ready.

Next, repeat the criticism back to the person to make sure that you've understood them properly and there's no miscommunication. Open with, "So what you're saying is..." and then put it into your own words. This puts the obligation back on the other person to clarify or reconsider their position.

Respectful interaction is key. So explore both perspectives, dig deeper into their position, get as much detail as possible, and elaborate on your own thoughts clearly and respectfully. This will create opportunity to find common ground and solutions.

If you still can't find any common ground, then it's time to get out of there. Make a graceful exit by saying something like, "I appreciate the feedback, "and I'll think more about what you've said." Draw the interaction to a close politely, but with finality.

Now, let's put all that together and see how it plays out. In our scenario, Julia and Max have both just interviewed a candidate for a new position on the team. After the interview, they discuss how it went.

[Cut to two colleagues, Julia and Max, talking in an office]

Julia: I think that candidate was great. They seemed like the perfect fit for the role. What do you think?

Max: Yeah, they could be. I hope you don't mind me saying, but I don't think that interview went well at all.

Julia: Oh, no? Why not?

Max: You didn't really give them a chance to speak and I really wasn't happy with the outcome.

Julia: Okay. So to be clear, what you're saying is that you think that I undermined the candidate and we didn't get a clear picture of their abilities?

Max: Yeah.

Julia: Can you be more specific? What exactly went wrong do you think?

Max: Well, you spoke over them. We didn't get a chance to grill them enough. Frankly, I'm sorry to say, but you weren't professional and we'll probably have to re-interview.

Julia: Well, we had a limited amount of time to ask all of the interview questions, so maybe sometimes I moved us on or stopped them short, but only when I felt we'd got all the information we needed. They proved they fit the criteria, and I don't see any reason why we'd need to grill them further.

Max: Okay, sure. I can see that.

Julia: But I appreciate the feedback, and I'll think more on what you've said.

[Cut back to presenter talking directly to camera.]

Presenter: Yikes, that criticism was difficult to hear. It was personal and harsh. But when Julia challenged Max's criticism, it melted away and he didn't really have anything of substance to say. Ultimately, even if there were some things that Julia could have done differently, Max delivered the criticism in a way that was never going to be constructive.

Let's recap. You can spot unfair criticism   by asking yourself, "Does it seem overly harsh? "Is it highly personal? "And does it hold up to scrutiny?" If it doesn't, deal with it by staying calm, repeating back what's been said, exploring both perspectives, and ultimately moving on from it.