How Good Is Your Anger Management?

One of the most effective approaches for managing anger is to identify the sources of the anger you experience. Once you know what makes you angry, you can develop strategies for dealing with it. When you're in the middle of a bad situation, it's hard to think logically and rationally, so understanding what causes your anger can help you plan how to deal with it.

• Use a diary or "anger log" to write down the times, people, and situations that make you angry.
• Look for trends, or things that make you angry often.
• Ask yourself why these things make you angry. Do you connect certain memories to these sources of anger? Do you feel that goals are being frustrated, or that something important to you is being threatened?

Reduce Your Angry Reactions

While you probably won't eliminate anger completely, you can certainly reduce the frequency and scope of your anger. The less angry you are in general, the more control you'll have over your emotions. Since much of our anger can come from frustration and stress, if you work on ways to ease and reduce these causes of frustration and stress, you'll reduce the amount of anger in your life.

A great way to reduce stress is to improve your problem solving skills. We sometimes feel that everything we do needs to be correct and turn out well, and this can be frustrating when things don't turn out as they should. Instead of expecting yourself always to be right, commit to doing your best. That way you can be proud of your effort even if the end result isn’t what you want.

Also, accept that when something doesn't work out, the world usually won't end. Sometimes you just need to relax and not let things bother you. We may think that we should have an answer for everything – but the truth is, we don't!

You can also reduce anger by improving your communication skills. When you relate well to other people, express your needs, and talk about issues that bother you, you deal with potential anger proactively.

• Build empathy    - When you understand another person's perspective, it helps you analyze the situation objectively and understand your role in the conflict. Accept that you may not always know best!
• Learn to trust others - Assume the best in people, and don't take their actions personally.
• Listen - Use active listening   to consider what the other person has to say, and then think before you speak. In many situations, the best way to deal with anger is to accept it, and then find ways to move forward. This can protect your relationships with people, and it allows you to acknowledge your feelings.
• Be assertive, not aggressive - By improving your assertiveness skills   , you can reduce the frustration that you feel when your needs aren't being met. When you know how to ask for what you want, you'll generally feel more in control, and less likely to say things that you'll later regret.

You can reduce the likelihood of losing control by releasing the anger that you've built up. When you get rid of angry feelings on a regular basis, you'll feel calmer and more even-tempered, and you'll be more able to deal with the ups and downs of daily life. You can do a variety of things to release your anger, including the following:

• Take 10 deep breaths. It really does work!
• Do some physical activity – walk, run, swim, play golf, or do some other sport. This can be great for releasing the stress and frustration you've built up!
• Use a punching bag or a pillow to physically express your anger (in a way that's not harmful).
• Do yoga, or another relaxing form of exercise.
• Participate in a fun activity or hobby.
• Use a journal and/or art to express your feelings.
• Forgive. At some point, it helps to let go and move on with a fresh attitude.

When you start to feel angry, what do you do? Controlling yourself in a bad situation can be difficult, and your actions will have consequences.

External reactions – like kicking and screaming – don't help. You may feel good for a little while, but later, you'll surely feel foolish and sorry. Also, you may do permanent damage to relationships and your reputation.

When you feel that you can't hold your anger in any longer, here are some great strategies to try:

• Change Your Environment

  • Take a break and physically remove yourself from the conflict. Go to another room, go for a walk, or count to 10. This may give you time to gain perspective and simply calm down.
  • Learn to avoid situations that you know will cause your anger. If you don't like your teammate's messy desk, don't go into her office.
  • If you regularly do something that makes you angry, try to find something else to do in its place. For example, if the crowded elevator upsets you every morning, take the stairs.

• Use Humor

  • Think of something funny to say (but don't be rude or sarcastic).
  • Try to see the funny side of the situation.
  • Imagine the other person in a silly situation.
  • Learn to laugh at yourself.
  • Smile. It's hard to be angry with a smile on your face.

• Calm Yourself Physically

  • Use physical relaxation techniques. Take slow, deep breaths and concentrate on your breathing.
  • Tighten and release small muscle groups. Focus on your hands, legs, back, and toes.
  • Repeat a word or phrase that reminds you to stay in control and remain confident. For example, say, "You'll get through this. Relax! You're doing a great job!"
  • Practice imagery   techniques. Use your imagination or memory to visualize a calming place or situation.